Unrequited Love: Signs and Solution

Have you ever had some feeling for someone? A lingering and uptight warmth for a crush or you fell deeply in love with a  friend? Unrequited love or love that isn't mutual is a painful emotional experience, and no body would wish to undergo such distress.

Unrequited love can come in different ways ranging from:

• The desire for someone who is unavailable
• Lingering feelings for an ex after a breakup
• Rooting for a someone who doesn’t feel the same way
• People in other relationships having mutual feelings

Unrequited love can look different across different scenarios. 

How to spot this case scenario:

Unrequited loves spans on different scenarios and these are some few keys that show that you are in this unrequited love's ship:

Lack of interest in progressing what you already had: 

Hey, I know how much you want this to reach the heights you've imagined but the other party just seems so uninterested in moving this ship along.

There is a lack of interest which also show up in the emotional connection you feel. When you attempt asking questions about their beliefs and values, for instance, they may not vibe much in their answers nor ask you similar questions in return.

Slow to reply to invites, calls, and texts:

See yourself doing most of the work especially to hang out that it now feels like everything is just one sided? Sometimes it takes them forever to reply to your texts and calls and this pattern persists without any prior explanation. 

When you invite them out, they say "Maybe! I'll let you know later", but at the end they either don't confirm until the last minute or they don't get back to you at all.

Denial about subtle signs you receive:

No matter how much you want to seclude this emotional pain, denial will make the pain worse especially when you choose to focus on how often they compliment you, confide in you, hug or touch you casually or ask for your opinion.

Unfortunately, some people are just affectionate and open, which can be confusing when you’re trying to figure out their level of interest in you.

Going through so much unpleasant emotions:

According to Stringer, unrequited love often involves a cycle of emotions.

“This pattern usually begins with hopefulness as you form strategies geared toward igniting a romantic relationship,” she explains. But when these attempts fail, you might be left with “feelings of rejection and accompanying emotions, including sadness, anger, resentment, anxiety, and shame.”

Really hard trying to get them off your mind:

You struggle so much to get them off your mind, most times you can't help but...

• Start checking on their social media handles like Facebook and Instagram, checking if they made any latest post you can comment on, liked one of your posts or shared anything.
• Message them really often.
• Go shopping or biking or strolling around their neighborhood in the hope that you might be able to see them.
• Express your feelings to them through letters that you end up not sending.
• Have crazy imaginations of actually telling them how you feel. 

Is there a way to fix this emotional wreck?

Rejection is as painful as physical injury as it is coordinated by the same pain center of the brain.

There are ways in which to cope with the pain until you get over it.

Talk about it! Yes!

This is the first step to take. Bring yourself to explain to them how you feel about them. If you discovered some confusing reactions towards you from them, ask them about it too. You need to come clean and they too with you.

This might be really hard for you but talking about it can offer relief. you can also talk to a close friend about what you're going through. Talking has some healing properties that many do not know about. 

Know when not to linger:

After confessing your love to the person and they reject you; you're definitely hurt but wants to continue with the friendship, then focus on your friendship.

But otherwise, you want to have some space and time to heal then take it as it is completely normal.

Allow yourself to feel:

As these feelings of hurt and rejection blow across you, allow yourself to feel them, and let them go. Writing or journaling about them helps, even the ones that deeply hurt. Notice and accept those feelings.

You need some distraction:

Taking too much time to brood over your feelings could make you really miserable for a long time. Set goals for each day, try something that would distract you and give your mind space to heal itself.

Learn from this experience:

Become a better version of yourself. There is always a lesson to learn for every ailing or failure even in emotional matters. Growth and the ability to become a better friend are lessons you can pick up from this.

Do you need some help?

Could you have suffered depression or anxiety? Reach out to someone immediately as this is common with the negative effects of unrequited love. Check out this post on Dealing with Depression and Anxiety.